The 5 worst places to spend New Year’s Eve in the US

Don’t drop the ball when making your New Year’s Eve plans.

Americans all over the country partake in one last blow out, hoping to end their year on a high (and usually drunken) note — before dry January kicks in. This year is particularly festive as not only will we be celebrating a new year, but we’re welcoming in the dawn of a new decade. And with over 115 million people on the road for the holidays this year — many are looking for the perfect place to ring in the new year … and many of them will be led astray.

For years, certain places have popped up via television, social media or paid partnerships as the hotspot to go on New Year’s Eve. They’re wrong. Here’s why:

Times Square, New York City

It will always confuse real New Yorkers why one million people flock to this intersection where no one in their right mind would hang out at on a regular day — much less on what is usually a pretty cold, snowy (or rainy) day. For hours. Just to see a big ball drop, glimpse a celebrity on stage or photobomb one of the inane hucksters hired to talk nonsense ’til said ball drops. A celebratory tipple is not allowed and you’d best not drink anything at all, because in order to keep your mobbed spot near the stage — you can’t go to the bathroom. For one thing — if you leave to go to find a toilet, you’ll never find your friends again, and, if you insist, good luck trying to find one. Therefore, most people wear adult diapers for the festive occasion. Because nothing says “new year, new me!” like trying to cram yourself into a mobbed subway minutes after midnight slogging home in soggy, wet diapers.

Hollywood Hills/Los Angeles

The hills above Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles are full of beautiful, gravity-defying, architecturally confusing homes that hang off sides of cliffs and — on an increasingly rare clear day — boast views from the desert across downtown all the way to the Pacific. The winding streets are interconnected like a complicated web up and down the increasingly steep inclines. But when there is a view to show off, there is a party to be had! And despite the parking issues and oodles of blind turns, residents always feel the need to throw large soirees this time of year. A more pressing issue: Despite Uber and Lyft, a lot of people still like to drive themselves on New Year’s Eve or test-study Darwinism by taking an electric scooter to a party that will indeed have a lot of booze. Driving — or being driven — home any time after midnight is just plain terrifying. Actually, this goes for all of Los Angeles. If you live in the city of Angels, just stay home and VR the evening.

Disney World (or Land)

For some elusive reason, actual full-grown adults pay hundreds (even thousands) of dollars to unironically hang out with Cinderella in her pre-fab castle on New Year’s Eve. While the house of Mouse has recently relaxed their liquor rules (it used to be completely verboten inside Disney World to drink, there are now “little helper” gift shops for parents throughout), it’s expensive. Especially when you don’t actually have to carry money — and you just charge everything onto a little bracelet — to get socked with the mortgage-like bill upon check out. While there are spectacular fireworks in both the Magic Kingdom and Epcot — there is something suspect about the “culture” themed parties like the “silent rave” in Japan, the pop party in “China” which takes place under a dragon and “fire effects,” or the “classic rock party hosted by British Revolution” in the United Kingdom (brit-pub vomit presumably not included).

Any high-end resort in Hawaii

Hawaii is beautiful. It’s warm. And, during the holidays, it’s also record-scratching expensive. Each year, celebrities, movie execs, business titans and more fly their families to the islands and book out suites in places like the Four Seasons Resort Maui at Wailea, The Ritz-Carlton Kapalua or the Four Seasons Resort Lanai for 10 days at a time. Which is great — for them. If you want to lounge at the pool or get a reservation for any activity, you will have to get up early. Real early. The dirty secret amongst those families is, just before dawn, they send their nannies or other domestic servants who may have had the misfortune to travel with them out to the pool to grab all the prime chairs and block out snorkeling trips. On the flip side — it does make for fun, free entertainment to see the fun, family dynamics between people who, for the first time all year, are forced to hang out together.

Las Vegas

The noise. The smoke-filled casinos. The insanely expensive hotel rooms that just last week were half the price. The hookers and the roofies. The loss of your Christmas bonus at the roulette table. Britney Spears. I rest my case.

This article was originally published on nypost.com